Today I truly realized the difference between liking a girl because she's cute and legitimately liking a girl, much to my dismay. If there is some cosmic deity, it feels like as time passes I'm tantalized by attractive women that I can't have, but worst of all, I actually LIKE these attractive women.
What's killing me? Distance distance distance. Goddamn distance.
Today was great, I truly didn't want to leave, and yet I wish that our outing hadn't gone as swimmingly. I wish I'd held you with contempt, that you'd found my numerous disgressions annoying, that that chemistry hadn't existed.
I once wrote a few couplets about a similar situation that happened inland, the tentative name was "Object of Adoration," about just that: lusting after these beautiful women (not just in a sexual connotation) and half-attempting to further the connection while knowing that ultimately, it can't be, for whatever reason. I feel like a fucking fool for instigating this shit, knowing from the get-go, yet upon meeting these women, I realize why I chase it: having the opportunity to talk to a beautiful woman who I can relate to and enjoy being around, and more importantly feel completely comfortable around. Someone who I don't mind stuttering or digressing or forgetting my train of thought countless times around, because I feel like they see past it. Someone who gives a shit. Following my breakup with the most recent ex, my emotions towards the opposite sex are so erratic and convoluted... my mini-infatuations (better known as a crush now that I think about it) feel unhealthy, yet natural and completely effortless.
I've never been good at writing love songs.
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