Departure

So here I find myself again, having created a new blog as a creative outlet, with a newfound determination that it will not fall to the cyberspace grave the countless other blog starts I've made have.

Today I realized the advent of breaking up with a longtime girlfriend has led to lower serotonin or some shit, because I find myself more and more fleeing to chemical dependency, whether it be excessive bowl-smoking or taking up smoking again under the premise "oh, it's my party pack, just for when I drink, which inevitably became "oh lol three a day, booze be damned!"

This was all sparked by endless boredom earlier, shortly after realizing that given a week-long vacation, planning my days out beforehand might be a good thing to do in the future. I took a trip down to a local head shop to pick up some salvia, but forgot my debit card at home. On the trip back, I realized to myself "this is fucking stupid, i'm not going back" and had the profound realization previously stated.

Am I that weak of a human being to surrender to the siren song of meaningless, toxic escape?

I don't think so. I may have moments of weakness, but I know for damn sure that's not me, and I refuse to lead a lifestyle that would have it that way.

I see religious people, and the pure.... exhilarance that radiates from them, and I wonder, why? If religion is truly as altruistic as I had previously thought, then why the overbearing joy for those who truly believe? My personal belief conflicts with some of the dogmatic principles of organized religion, while I still consider myself spiritual, but what do they have, or what are they experiencing that I don't have?


Always another unsolved mystery, always on the cusp. Is the human condition to be forever trapped in the pursuit of happiness? Studies have shown that people are happiest when they attempt an activity just out of their ability level, so perhaps to optimize happiness, we should pursue the pursuit of happiness..?


People tell me I overthink life. I constantly feel as if I don't nearly enough.



I don't know whether this will be more of a diary entry or my existential ramblings, but either way, I think its intended purpose is working.


yours,


peet